How do I step out...and be brave?

No matter how big and tough a problem may be, get rid of confusion by taking one little step toward solution.

Do something.

Then try again.

At the worst so long as you don't do it the same way twice,you will eventually use up all the wrong ways of doing it;and thus, the next try will be the right one.
~George F. Nordenholt~

I got this in an e-mail. It really made me stop and think. This advice is perhaps something I need to consider taking. If I have a problem or a situation that needs solving or resolving...I always tend to wait until I can think of the best possible solution. Then maybe...if I really think it's good enough...I'll give that a try. Taking little steps toward solution is not something I'm familiar with. Just trying anything. Giving something a shot. I'm fearful of things becoming worse or farther away from being solved than they already are, if I try something that wasn't exactly right. But then....where does that leave me? Exactly where I am. Exactly where I've been forever. I'm afraid of risks because I'm afraid of being hurt...or hurting someone else. But then...what fun is it to just sit back and play it safe all the time. It's alright as long as things end up going your way. But how often does that really happen? I think that this is something that I need to learn.....to try things....to take risks. And maybe things will end up crappy. And I'll know for the future that that was a bad approach. Or maybe they'll end up wonderful...in a way they never would have had I continued to sit back and do nothing. Of course this is all just a bunch of talk until I actually apply this to my life. It sounds easy enough. But things like this require bravery...and humility...and absolute trust in God. I want to be there. I want to do all the things my heart longs to do....and say all the things my heart longs to say....but that I'm too afraid to. And believe me...there are many things. But I guess the best way to learn is to give it a try. What have I got to lose?

"In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 56:11

Merry Christmas!!!

Well here are my favourite pics of my brother and sister and I on Christmas. We definitely had some good times with the camera. It was a really wonderful day all in all. We all got along with each other really well and had a lot of good laughs and smiles. I am very thankful for this day. God is so good to me. I don't know if I could have asked for a better day today. I was also really blessed to be able to go to church this morning. How happy it was to be able to see my friends....my "family"....on Christmas day, and to celebrate the love of my God for me. How good it is to be loved by him. Blessing after blessing he pours out. And I am so thankful today! Merry Christmas to everyone! I love you all from the bottom of my heart! If I was there I would hug you!

Luke 2:7-14

And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

Fun for me!

K, guys...I got this off of Tanya's blog and I love to do these things....so of course I did it. It's here for y'all to see or even copy/paste and do for yourself. Enjoy!

1. Name & webpage: Kristan Perpeluk....this is my webpage...right here...you're on it
2. How do you decide between two equally appealing options? I think about it long and hard and eventually just pick one really quickly and just decide that that's gonna be it before I can change my mind.
3. What's one song to desribe how you're feeling at the moment? You Raise Me Up...Josh Groban
4. When & what was the last healthy thing you ate? Ummm.....I ate a bagel for supper....and fruit for lunch....both fairly healthy
5a. How do you go about getting someone to do a favor for you? I ask them.....how else are you supposed to go about it?
5b. What do you do when they say no? Say please
6. How do you feel about making decisions for other people? Mmmm.....I don't think I'm really a fan of making other people's decisions. Probably they won't like what I decide and then I'll be to blame
7. How is the weather right now? Mmm.....beautiful winter weather right now
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Kristen
9. In what place/situation do you do your best thinking? Probably in the car
10. What area of your life/space is the most organized? I make things the most organized at work.....I like to make things look as perfect as they can.
11. What area of your life/space is the least organized? Hard to say....not really sure
12. Are you easily embarassed? Mmmm....no not really.....but then, sometimes yes
13. What do you do when you are embarrassed? Laugh at myself and make it appear like I don't even care
14. How do you react to someone you find attractive? I usually don't show any outward reaction....my reaction is internal
15. Are you traditional when it comes to dating? Mmm.....I'd say so....I prefer to be pursued rather than do the pursuing....but sometimes....it just doesn't work out that way
16. What do you do to vent anger?I leave the situation and usually go for a walk or something where I can just think for a while and calm down
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a few....one of them was a stuffed rabbit....he ws blue and had a rainbow stomach...his name was Thumper and I loved him
18. Who do you miss from your past? I don't really know.....I haven't really had anyone in my past who I miss a lot or who isn't in my present as well
19. Hugs or kisses? Both can be good under different circumstances
20. What is your favorite game? Well......I have grown quite fond of Catch Phrase....though I haven't gotten to play it in a while
21. How competitive are you? I definitely have a competitive bone in me....I try not to let it take over though
22. When was the last time you cried?Hmmm......oh yes....Friday night
23. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Jenna Regehr....since we were 3!
24. What did you do last night? I went to floor hockey, and then Jenna came over for an hour or so and then I headed over to Scott and Jasmine's and watched Cinderella Man with them and Juliegh and Rhett and Dan
25. What inspires you? Some people, nature, music, other things
26. What are you afraid of? Being disliked, bugs, snakes, bats...all those typical girl things to be afraid of, dying before I get to do all I hope to
27. Number of keys on your key ring? One
28. How many states/provinces have you lived in? Just one....good ol' Saskatchewan
29. When is the most productive time of day for you? Afternoon to evening
30. Would you prefer a crowd of fun acquaintances or just a few good friends? I like both of those options

Giant step of faith

There has been so much going on in my life lately. So many things that I find myself thinking about and worrying about and stressing over. Somehow along the way, my life has become stirred up and unpeaceful. My soul has become restless and uneasy. From conflicts with friends, to brave moves I might find myself making, to big decisions coming up ahead for me, to family problems, to many other things......it's definitely a rough patch in life right now. We're not on calm serene waters anymore. We've hit some whitecaps. Reminds me of the last canoe trip I was on. Nasty rough waters. If I don't continue to exert my effort into thinking about things and trying to deal with things, then I will simply be swept away and overtaken by everything. It's a little bit overwhelming, I'm not going to lie. I haven't had this much on my plate in a long time. I find myself thinking about what I should do in order to make things turn out the best. How I should handle everything. Somehow...in the midst of all the noise and commotion in my heart and mind...God managed to speak to me with his tender loving voice that I love so much. And he tells me, "Kristan, I understand that you care so much about everything that is going on in your life, that you desperately want to find the best way to handle it all. You don't want to hurt anybody, or make any wrong decisions....or hurt yourself. Please let me take the load off your shoulders. I promise you that if you trust me with these things, that I will not let you down. I know just the perfect way to resolve each situation. I will bring peace back to your heart. You just need to give it to me....and trust me." Oh how I struggle with this. Even though God has never given me reason not to trust him. He has always proven faithful. His endings are always better than mine would've been. I came across a verse in the Message....really struck a chord with me...
"But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it -- you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long your worked -- well that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift." Romans 4:5
When there are this many things going on in my life...way too much for me to think about or handle...what else is there to do but trust God with it? How else do you get through? How else is God's will brought about? So I choose to trust God....right now....with everything. I believe that all will end in good....and it will be beautiful!

Aaargh!!

Some people do things that make me sooooo ANGRY!! And what do I do?!?! Just sit there like a freaking bump on a freaking log and let the stupidity carry on. STUPID!! That's all I have to say.

Accutane

Well...something very exciting has happened this week.....well at least it's exciting for me. Most likely not for anyone else. As I'm sure you all know...I have this horrible problem with acne. Have my whole life. Not gonna lie....it sucks...a lot. Looking around at all my friends who have beautiful clear skin without a blemish in sight, undoubtedly makes me more than a tad jealous. But whatever. I learn to deal with it. Afterall...I'm not the only person in the world who suffers from acne, right? Right. So I just suck it up....and press forward with my life. Having a lifelong pity party won't get me anywhere. So up until this point in my life....I've lived with this. I believe it has helped me to develop a lot of self confidence that I might not have otherwise had. Having acne can be an embarassing thing that can wear upon a persons self esteem. I guess I've learned to be confident in who I am in spite of it. I haven't let it affect me as much as it potentially could have. Ok...but now on to the good news......there is this drug called Accutane. It is the most powerful acne treatment drug in existence right now. Works miracles. Will clear you right up and erase any signs that you ever had an acne problem in the first place. And I just got a prescription for accutane this week! This is a joyful occasion in my life. Something to be celebrated. The concept of clear skin is foreign to me.....but it's gonna happen!! I guess I just feel blessed to have this drug made available to me. I'm really lucky. And happy! :)

mystery...

I am sitting here at my computer.....wishing that I could gather my thoughts enough to be able to know what I want to write about right now. All I know is I want to write. I don't know...maybe this might sound weird to everyone.....I sometimes wish that I could just write down what I'm thinking...reagardless of what it is. Like as if no one else was going to read it but me. But at the same time.....a small part of me wishes that I could pour out my soul, for everyone to read and hear and learn about. I think that inside of everyone is a desire to be really known and understood. To be so transparent and vulnerable. I have so many things that I would like to say in this space.....but at the same time, I have this fear of being known. What would people think if they knew this about me? How would they react if they knew I felt this way about them? Would my friends still love me....if they really knew me? I wish that I could just tell everyone what I think about them or about myself or about life. And then that's it. Just put it out there...and then people would know. Rather....I choose not to put these thoughts on here for the public to see. I resort to writing it down elsewhere or telling a few people here and there. I feel that people will best know me after I die. My secrets will no longer be secrets, my thoughts will be out there for everyone to finally know about. It's a shame that it will take my death for this to happen. But on the flip side.....maybe I don't want the whole world to know everything about me.....maybe the fact that there are some things that certain people have no idea about me, is helping me to keep a sense of mystery to myself. Who would want to get to know me, if I shared every last detail about myself with them? There would be nothing left to learn. But I mean....guaranteed, if I knew I was going to die in the next 24 hours, I wouldn't hesitate to tell a lot of people how I feel about them...or thoughts I've always kept to myself. I want people to know me....I just don't want to have to tell them. Perhaps one day....I'll be brave enough to be more transparent and vulnerable. For now....I will just carry on....as I am.....praying that everything that needs to be made known, will be. And the rest will remain a mystery, I guess.

Fun in the snow!

So team...it is officially winter out there. And for some reason...I seem to think that it is absolutely marvelous. I am just loving the snow so very much this holiday season. Especially today in this BeAuTiFuL weather!! Yay for sunshine and warm balmy winter days. Hallelujah!! Lol. So last night after choir practice (which I loved being part of, by the way)my good friends Jenna and Dan and I came up with the wicked awesome idea to go tobogganing. SO that we did. Man, I LoVe tobogganing sooo very much. I would personally like to shake the hand of the person who came up with the brilliant idea of sliding down a snowy hill. Sheer brilliance. So even though there were still some grassy patches and what not....we had a pretty darn good time, I'd say. Inside of all of us is a big urge to just be a kid and play. And what a wonderful feeling it is when you do just that. So..I look forward to many more wonderful winter fun experiences ahead this year.

My wonderful friends

I've been thinking lately about how wonderful my life is. Now, for sure, I have my times when I feel like everything sucks and I hate everything and I just have nervous breakdown little school girl bawling sessions. But all in all, my life is pretty alright. It baffles me why this is my life. You know, this....right here...in the north end of Saskatoon. Why am I so fortunate to have this huge blessing? Why am I not a starving child with aids in Africa? I never chose this for myself. The fact that I can go for walks through my neighbourhood without fear of being shot or raped, or the fact that I have a roof over my head and a beautiful bed all to myself and running water and food in my fridge, or the fact that there is a slim to none chance that I will be affected by a major natural disaster.....all of these things are cause for praise and celebration. I don't deserve this comfort. But God is in the business of giving us gifts that we can never earn or deserve. He just loves to bless us. He just loves it. And then if that isn't enough.....he decides to bless the remaining areas of my life in great abundance. I am convinced that I have the greatest group of friends in the entire world. Now this is something I think about often, because there are very few things that I love and treasure more than my friends. I have such beautiful, wonderful, amazing friends in my life. They are truly my family. I love to be with them as much as I can. (As many of you have probably noticed...I like to stay out and hang out and not go home away from my friends...lol) We can be real with each other. We can share our innermost thoughts and feelings without fear of being ridiculed or judged. I have never felt unwelcome or unaccepted. In the company of my friends, I feel like I belong. I feel like I am loved, and that who I am is good enough.

"My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride. Don't waver. Stay on track, steady in God."
Philippians 4:1 (Msg)

Wow!! This verse pretty clearly portrays how I feel about my friends. They are everything to me. So....to close.....if you are reading this....I LOVE YOU!!! Ok? I'm so serious. I apologize for not saying it more...if ever. But just always know that I love you and that you are important to me. Blessings to you all. :)

Great encouragement for me

So tonight, after going to the musical with Dan and Kyla and Jana, (which was extremely unusual and impossible to understand, by the way) we headed over to Tim Hortons for quite a while and sat and chatted about a bunch of things. Jana took off to work and so left the three of us there in our conversation. And as has been happening more often lately, usually when I'm around Dan, a religious discussion breaks out. Now, I love when this happens and I only wish that it would happen more among us. But.......at the same time.....being involved in discussions of this nature tend to make me feel inferior and somewhat stupid. Usually I tend to do much much more listening than talking because I feel as if I don't know my Bible well enough to even have a valid opinion about anything. Which also seems weird to me as I have done quite a bit of Bible reading in my short Christian life thus far. I've read it cover to cover once and as of December 31st of this year I will be done it for the second time, as well as much additional reading all around in there. And yet, I feel like I've completely missed everything important. I feel like I can't say what I'm thinking because in the moment I feel like I don't even know if what I'm thinking has any validation whatsoever. Like everything that I've always thought that I've known is suddenly being questioned and I don't know anything about what I think I know. If that makes any sense to anyone. Especially around Dan. I feel like he knows his Bible so well that he has such a firm basis for all his thoughts and opinions. LIke he just knows exactly what he's talking about all the time. In a way it's kinda crappy that I feel this way. Obviously I'm not stupid and I do know a lot of things and my thoughts and opinions do have a basis and are valid. But on the other hand....I guess maybe...being around Dan makes me want sooo badly to dive soo much deeper into my Bible than I ever have before. I feel like I want to read it all the time and learn as much as I possibly can. Dan's knowledge and his passion for what he knows and believes, makes me want to have more of that. I want to learn as much as I can about this book that God has given us. I want to understand it as much as my human mind is capable of, and I want to have great confidence in what I believe. I want to know Jesus better, and have as intimate a relationship with him as I can. I like feeling like I'm being challenged in this way. Because as of right now I feel as if I have no place in religious discussions, because what I have learnt is minimal in comparison to those around me. Now, I don't on any means want to be comparing my faith or myself to that of others, but it is just encouraging me to become sure in my walk with God. To just live life with him....him and I....I and him...together....and be so sure and confident in that. I pray that this is something I will never forget or lose sight of. That I will always have a great desire to grow and learn more and draw closer to Jesus. It's been a great lesson for me lately, I guess. And I'm really grateful.

Frustrated.....grrr...

K, you know how on What Women Want, Mel Gibson can like hear what all the women are thinking all the time and what not? Man oh man....sometimes I just wish that I could have that ability for a little bit. I might hear a lot of thoughts that I wouldn't want to hear, but it would also help me out right now in clearing things up a bit. YOu know how some people are just so hard to read and you can never tell what they are thinking? Man....hugest situation of that nature over here. I'm not the best at reading people to begin with....as hard as I try...I still have not mastered it as of yet. And there is this one person in particular whom I cannot read accurately if my life depended on it. One of those crazy mysterious ones who are so good at guarding their thoughts and feelings from the public eye. You just never can be too sure. Although, I am quite sure that in due time, everything will be understood and all good. I just gotta have patience. Let me tell you...patience is hard to have when you don't want to be patient. But unfortunately, that's the route I'll be traveling for a while it seems...the road of patience. Just prayer for patience for me would be so FaNtAsTiC! Even though this post has been very vague and uninformative...ya, sorry about that...I would still like your prayers for patience. Thank you kindly. You're all beautiful!

Beautiful people

Yesterday was my beautiful friend Jana's birthday. I just love that girl soooooooooooo much! I'm not even lying or exaggerating when I say that she is one of my favourite people on the face of the earth. She just amazes me by the way that she keeps on getting more and more beautiful and radiant and marvelous EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Oh Man!!! She's unreal. I love her...sooo very much. And what a blessing it has been to have her in my life. I learn so much from her and look up to her a lot. She is someone to be admired, there is no doubt about that. I spent the day with her again today. And Dan as well. We went over to Jana's place and chilled out and watched a movie. Well mostly they watched and I went to sleep. But it was still wonderful. I could be in the company of friends 24/7 and be so completely content and happy. My friends are my world. I just feel so blessed. Aaaahhh.....beautiful people.....they are all beautiful and marvelous.

Stupid cough

Man, being sick sucks. I've developed this nasty awful cough that is sucking the life right outta me.I'm so congested in my chest and I'm just coughing up flem and it SuCkS!!!! I mean....I'm alright if I don't talk or laugh or move around or breath through my mouth. Then I'm ok. So ya...you get the picture. Crappy!! To make things even better...I think I'm like an insomniac. There are lots of nights where I just cannot fall asleep for the life of me, regardless of how tired I am. Ya, last night was one of those nights. Sure didn't fall asleep 'til around 5:00 this morning. Man, I just hate that. It's so frustrating just lying in bed, dead tired, and you don't know what you could do different to make your body fall asleep. If anyone has any suggestions of any sort, I would be delighted to hear them. Oh and I also hate the medi-clinic....but I won't get into that....it'll get me all riled up for no reason. So basically, for the majority of this week, you should expect to find me at home in my sweatpants tuning in to Oprah and Dr. Phil or other activities of equal laziness. So that's all I have to say right now. Perhaps later, I'll think of something a little more insightful.

Simply marvelous...

Tonight was truly fabulous!!! I loved every second of every part of it!! Youth was great. We spent a lot of time just sitting and listening.....trying with open ears to hear God's voice. Then we all wrote a letter to God....just being so very honest and real about what is going on in our lives and how we're doing. Man, I could have just written and written and written some more. It's a hard thing to do....just sit down and pour out your soul to God about everything that's making up your life right now. Hard.....but very good and worthwhile. Very freeing, I felt. So that was truly great to have that time. I definitely needed that. Afterwards, I had some people over to watch a movie. That was really great.....I haven't really had people over that much since we moved in here....and I really like to. I think I should start doing it more. So we watched Kicking And Screaming, and after that was over, most people went home. Dan and Kyla and Kevin and I went out for a walk to Tim Hortons. Man....it was sooooo awesome. Going for walks with your friends...priceless. Such good quality time. So we made it to Tim Hortons and got some drinks and then headed out on even more of an adventure. Kev went home and Dan and Kyla and I continued on to Scott and Jasmine's house. There was a bunch of people over there. So we stayed and chilled there for a bit and then we walked back to here, at which point, Kyla and Dan went home. What an AwEsOmE night. Praise God for my awesome awesome friends and for the great fabulous time I had walking around with them tonight. It was simply marvelous. Only God knows how very much my friends truly mean to me. Thanks God! You're the best!

Please pray...

So this morning wasn't the best I've eer had. I woke up to my mom coming in my room to say that she's leaving for Regina in about half an hour. It turns out that my grandma fell and broke her hip and is now in the hospital. So yea...my mom and sister left this morning to Regina to be with my grandma. It's very hard for me to think about. I hate that my grandma is in the hospital somewhere with a broken hip. She must feel so helpless. My mom told me how she was nervous about the possibility of my grandma maybe having to go in for surgery. She's a fairly weak woman and my mom fears that it may be possible that she might not make it through. I just ask for all of your prayeres for my grandma and my family right now. Only God knows what is best. Truthfully....the thought of my grandma not being around really more scaes me a lot. She is not a Christian. It's times like this that I find myself suddenly in panic mode jut praying frantically for my grandma's salvation. Why does it take the possibility of death being very near for me to begin to pray urgently? Why isn't today just as urgent as any other day? Perhaps it should be. So ya, I just want to ask for your prayers over this situation. Thank you!

Romans 6:13

"Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness."

This verse gives a pretty clear depiction of how I was thinking and feeling tonight. I was thinking about my body and how much I use it to bring glory to God compared to how much I don't. I was at the church to pray this afternoon, and I took advantage of the opportunity to just let loose and use my body to bring joy to God. I cranked up the music and just danced around for a while......I haven't felt like my body has been used for something so beautiful in a long time. I just occurred to me that why don't I make an effort to use my body for his majesty every second of the day? Regardless of what I'm doing. To strive for absolute purity and modesty and grace and health and love. I can use my body for all of these things......24/7. So why don't I? Afterall, my body is not my own anyways. It already belongs to God. I'm just living in it for the time being....until he takes me home. How would God like this body of mine to be used? Totally for his glory and honour I can imagine. I think I'm going to start keeping that in mind. I wonder how my life would look different if I honoured God with every word and every move and every step. Quite beautiful I bet.

God works in sensational ways!

Do you ever feel as if for one moment, you were exactly where you were meant to be, when you were meant to be there? God is marvelous in that way. Tonight, I was having a strangely rough time with myself. I felt as if I don't know who I am, or what the heck God is hoping to make of me. I feel like I'm just existing and that I am somewhat worthless if I don't know exactly what my great purpose in life is. I wanted to go out for a walk with my dog when I got home from hanging out with Dan and Jana and Kyla tonight. But my mom wouldn't let me because she believed it was too late, which led me to become even more frustrated and unhappy with life. So I came on msn for who knows what reason. This is now the moment I was referring to, when I felt like I was supposed to be right here right then. Dan and I started talking and I shared my frustrations with him. We talked about it for a while. Dan is very smart and very wise. He basically re-affirmed what I already knew, but had lost sight of in my frustration. Maybe God knew that that was all I needed. Just a conversation with someone to bring me some encouragement. I guess I just appreciate my friend Dan. And I'm glad that we're friends. It really is true that overall, God really does know what is the very best for me. Afterall, he did know that one day I would be in this state of frustration and hopelessness and that I would just need someone to talk to for 15 minutes tonight. Maybe that's why God created a friendship between Dan and I. Maybe......maybe not. But I'm thankful nonetheless.

It doesn't seem great enough

I feel as if I love people too much. Now I don't actually think that's possible, but somehow, that's how I'm left feeling sometimes.There are friends that I have that I simple LoVe to be with! Like, take this as literally as possible because that is how I mean it. There are some people specifically who especially fall into this category. Here's an illustration to better get across my feelings here...whenever I go to babysit Quin and Abby, they are always waiting in the window when I pull up, and it's just so obvious that they have been waiting in eager expectation for me to get there because they knew that I was on my way. As I come in the front door they run over to greet me and it's quite obvious that they are thrilled for me to be there with them. This is a pretty good depiction of how I feel about some people. I feel like my heart isn't big enough to hold all of the love that I feel for them inside, and so sometimes I feel like I am acting like a small child in being overwhelmed with excitement to be with that person. I usually try to keep these displays of happiness to a minimum because I feel like maybe people might feel smothered or overwhelmed or something if they really knew. If they really knew how much I love them and want to be with them. I feel like I have to hold some of my love back to keep things at a comfortable. I guess maybe I'm just scared to love as much as my heart wants to sometimes. I wonder why this is. I have no logical explanation. It just is the way it is. Maybe I feel like I can only show as much love to people as I feel that they are showing to me. Maybe it all goes back to old wounds and remembering what it feels like to have more feelings for someone than they had for me. Maybe I'm scared of being hurt. It's sad I guess....to be scared to love. I pray that I would learn how to love limitlessly, so that I wouldn't feel like I'm hiding all of my love from the people I feel it for the most. I guess maybe this is the beginning of a journey that I need to take. So.....here we go, I guess.

Why put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today?

So I was at the gym on Wednesday evening. Jenna managed to get me to drag my but there with her. So there I was sitting on a bike for a good 40 minutes looking at a random magazine that was sitting on the counter. No, there was one article in particular that caught my attention. I talked about how we tend to always dream about the future and think about all the things that could happen one day or that we would like to do one day. It's the when/then attitude. For example, "WHEN I finally can find a job that gives me more than 10 hours a week and pays more than minimum wage, THEN I will be able to think about what it might be like to buy a car, or move away from home." It just seems like a hopeless situation, because no matter what job I have or what my circumstances are, it's always going to seem as if there's something that I don't have that I need in order to have what I want. I will always subconciously create a dilema that keeps me from stepping out and really living. I mean, obviously I don't have enough money to be able to move away from home right now. But that doesn't change the fact that one day I will. Why not have a little piece of it now? I mean, why don't I buy a coffee mug or two that I really love? Or why don't I learn how to cook right now? I mean eventually I'm gonna have to know how to really feed myself, right? Why don't I begin enjoying these things now? I don't need to wait. And maybe I should take up something I've always wanted to do but always said I'd do it "one day"? What's stopping me from really living my life right now? What am I waiting for? Do I think that it's all just going to happen on it's own? I mean, I want to really enjoy my life now! The only thing that's stopping me is me. I guess it's just been kind of a wake up call to me. I want to live with passion and excitement and enjoyment. So....maybe I will.