Here are a few pics of my sister's grad last week...

Well I am officially beginning to suck at keeping up to date in my blogging life. But I figure better late than never right? I might as well post something now than keep thinking that it's been to long for me to come back. So here I am. I really want to talk about YC in this post because although it's already been like 2 weeks since we were there, it was an incredible weekend. God spoke to me a lot about who he is. I was thinking about all the different kinds of people who were there and all the different religious backgrounds we all have. We all come from different kinds of churches and all have slightly different views of God and how we imagine him to be. I definitely think that to a small extent, our relationship with God is shaped by the church we attend. Just based on the way your church does things or says things or thinks things. It has a small influence on you and how you see God. But yet, at YC, all of us....as different as we all are....were there just to worship God. Worship God because of who HE is and not how we see him. Because regardless of how we see him, God just is who he is. He is God and he is good. He is the epitome of all things good. I've been thinking about the story in Exodus when God is telling Moses to go and set the people free from slavery in Egypt. Moses asks God who he should tell the people sent him to them. God replies "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " That statement seems to have new meaning to me after that weekend. God is. Period. Such power can only bring me to turn my heart towards God and say "Yes. You Are!" And because God Is, he is so deserving of every ounce of worship we can come up with every minute of every day. Our whole life should be a beautiful song of worship....never ending. What incredible majesty and power it is for God to say about himself, "I AM." That is so deep and sovreign and wonderful. Anyone who can claim that about themselves deserves to be praised. And God is the only one. He is awesome. I also am posting a few pics for you all to look at from the weekend. I hope you all were as blessed as I was and that God spoke to you with the same love that he spoke to me.

Great worship retreat

So just this last weekend I was gone up to the Quest (I felt like a traitor to Kadesh) for the worship retreat. It was an amazing weekend. I had never been on a weekend long retreat that wasn't a youth retreat with at least like 30 people, so it was kind of nice with just the 16 or so of us who were there. I think that it's easier to learn from each other when it's a smaller group. I learned a lot this weekend. We talked a lot about music and arts (obviously), and what everything means to us as artists and what are some things that we need to try or whatever. It was really encouraging. We did a songwriting exercise on Saturday afternoon which was really really great. We all had to write some stuff. Just some lyrics or some phrases or just anything that could maybe potentially be turned into a song at some point. And then we came back and shared what we had done. It was a brand new experience for me, and I admit that I was a bit nervous because I didn't know if what I had written was good or bad or cheesy or if only I thought it was good. Turns out that people liked what I wrote. And a lot of people had really good stuff. It's so interesting to listen to the very different things that people come up with when thinking of words for a song. Oh ya! And speaking of songs. Lorne and Jan had written a song for us to learn up there. So we spent some time learning it and then we recorded it!!! Like a real live recording! It was so amazing. We made a real song! I'm not sure but I think that whenever Lorne makes a video of the retreat for church that it'll have that song to it. It's awesome. IT makes me really excited. So my first recording experience turned out to be really really great...and I hope that I will get to do more. But anyways....here's a couple pics from the weekend. Enjoy!

The Stranger in the Park

Soooo......story for you all. Today was a very awful day as well as a very wonderful blessed day for me. This morning was our last performance of the Easter production. It was absolutely incredible. It was undeniable that the spirit of God was moving and working. During the scene where Jesus is crucified and dies....I could just hear the sniffles coming from the people in the audience who were touched. It was so powerful and amazing. I can't really explain what a blessing it has been for me to be part of this production. To have a part in being used by God to share his story. Truly it has become my family. I love it. I'm so blessed. On a more sour note....this afternoon....my family got in a big ridiculous fight. Mostly it was just my mom amd my sister and me. It was so huge and ridiculous and blown way out of proportion over something completely trivial. I hate when my family fights. WE do more than a lot of people know I'm sure. So I hate being around in the middle of that....so I left and went out for a walk. I walked into the park by my house and sat down by a fence and just cried. I was just crying out to God...telling him how I hate feeling so alone the way I often do, and how I really hate feeling far from him. I hate feeling like my relationship with God is weak and that the only thing keeping it going is my belief that he is there. Simply holding onto the truth is all that keeps me going sometimes. Which is good....but also hard because feeling like God is far away is really hard. So anyway....I was probably sitting there for only a couple minutes when I saw some guy walking towards me. I didn't really want to have to look at him or talk to him or anything...so to avoid potential awkwardness, I got up and started walking back towards the catwalk. He was walking a ways behind me, and I heard him shout to me, "Are you ok?". I didn't really want to talk to a complete stranger about how I was doing at the time so I just kept walking and didn't answer him. I walked down the catwalk and onto my street towards my house and he kept following me a bit. When he got through the catwalk, he shouted at me, "I'm going the other way now! I hope things work out for you! I've been there too probably!" I just kept walking. I don't know why I didn't turn around and talk to this stranger who cared about my problems. Maybe I was just afraid or something. But nonetheless, I was so blessed by this person. I wish that he could know how very much it meant to me that he showed that he cared to me...a perfect stranger...when I was feeling so alone and uncared for. So after I heard him shout at me the last time...I waited a couple seconds and then turned around and he wasn't there. I couldn't see him anywhere. He could've just turned the corner and been out of view, but a part of me likes to think that he was an angel and God sent him to me right when I was crying about how alone I felt. Whoever he was....he blessed me so deeply, I can't even tell you. Just a simple second of caring about a stranger made a world of difference to me. That's what the power of God is about. So that is my Easter blessing. The stranger in the park.

Cast Party Fun

Ok everyone....I just have a couple pics from the cast party to share with you. Hopefully I will get some more before the weekend is over of us in costume and what not. But...here ya go!

Wow!! So Jasmine's piano recital was officially sooooo amazing. She just played all these songs that only crazy insanely awesome people can play and she had them all memorized. I mean really....who does that? She's so amazing. And I am soooo thrilled for her to be done with all the stress of school this year. She worked sooo hard and she deserves to be done now. I'm glad. Now I'll get to spend more time with her! Yay!

On another note....I am super excited for the Easter production this weekend. I've enjoyed practicing for it and I'm excited to have 5 days in a row of it. It's going to be super fun. And to make things WAAAAAAAYY better...I have a 3 day weekend this weekend. WOO HOO!!!! That's about the best thing since sliced bread, I think. Not that I think sliced bread is exceptionally great or anything....but you know. It's exciting. So hopefully this week will go by quickly. And then my glorious weekend of Easterness will be here.

Can't wait...

So I've decided to make this colour of pink the official colour of text for my blog from now on. No particular reason why. I just up and decided that that's how it's going to be. After not blogging for so long it's kind of hard to know what to say. Where do I pick up and begin now? I don't even know. So I'm just gonna start talking as if I've never been gone. Tomorrow is Jasmine's 4th year piano recital. And let me tell you....I am so excited for her and to see her play. She's so amazing at what she does and she's worked sooooo hard. She's playing an hour of memorized music for goodness sake! I mean...really....who can actually do that. Yep...Jasmine can. She's going to be wonderful in her new dress and shoes and jewellry and with her hair freshly done and with a lot of friends and family there to support her. I will tell you more about it after I see it all tomorrow. But I am very excited, and I feel very blessed to have Jasmine as a friend. I just love her. It will be beautiful!

Hello? Anybody still read this?

Hey everyone. If there are any of you who still check this. My sincerest apologies for my lack of blogging over the last couple months. I truly have no excuse. But I'm back now. I feel like I want to get back in the game and pick up where I left off...if I can do that. I reformatted my blog a little bit. I figured a fresh start deserves a fresh look...so it should be fun I think. I don't have a lot to say today, other than I am hoping to be back in the blogging game starting now. So....here goes nothing!

20 years.....amazing

Wow...I can't believe that today is my birthday. Turning 20 years old isn't somthing that happens every day. But today is that day. So bazaar. Can't really wrap my mind around that yet. The last time I entered into a new decade was when I turned 10. And that was half my life ago. Too long ago to remember. I feel like this day should be significant in some way. Like some part of my life should begin now that I am beyond my teenage years. But what is that part exactly? What's going to change? There's a quote by C.S. Lewis that says "The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be....It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to his personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own." I think this is what I want most of all. I want to become more truly myself. I want to discover exactly who it is that I was created to be. I know that this is a lifelong journey of discovery and I won't figure it out overnight. But I want to really begin to press into that journey. Because I believe that whoever it is that God created me to be is so much more incredible than whoever I think I should be. The next time I see a new decade, I'll be turning 30. I am eager and excited to see what the next 10 years hold for me.....what the rest of my life holds. It should be awesome. Today was a crazy day all around. A lot of stuff happened and much didn't go as planned or hoped. But all in all...I felt very blessed today. Blessed to see my 20th birthday and to know that I am loved. It's a great feeling. Well.....goodnight everyone....I'm going to see what I can do with the last 13 minutes of my birthday. Buh bye!

Quiz time

[A is for age]: 19....but I'll be 20 in 8 days
[B is for booze of choice]: Water....tee hee.....or iced tea....sorry guys....don't drink alcohol
[C is for career:] Well right now, my "career" is a Customer Service Assistant at Pharmasave....go on...laugh at me....I'll get out of there sooner or later
[D is for your dog's name:] Kujo
[E is for essential items you use everyday:] Mascara, toothbrush....pretty much all of my bathroom stuff
[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:] NO current favourites....although I am quite enjoying Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
[G is for favorite games:]Catch Phrase, Dutch Blitz....and some more
[H is for hometown:] Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
[I is for instruments you play:] Flute and sort of piano....I'm getting there
[J is for jam or jelly you like:] Strawberry
[K is for kids:] Oh yes.....I excitedly await the day when I have kids
[L is for last kiss:] Ummm......it's been over a year for sure
[M is for most admired trait:] Wow....sorry guys...there's like 235983 traits coming to my head....don't think I can narrow it down
[N is for name of your crush:] When one comes around...I'll let you know
[O is for overnight hospital stays:]Ummm....when I was younger I had an allergic reaction to something and got a bad rash and had to stay in the hospital a few nights
[P is for phobias:]Bugs, snakes, bats, anything buggish or reptilish.....Oh...and mice too
[Q is for quotes you like:] I like many quotes
[R is for biggest regret:] Ummm.....ask me if you really want to know that bad
[S is for sweets of your choice:] Chocolate, popcorn, licorice....man....pretty much any chocolate or candy or anything else unhealthy...I like it....not such a good thing I suppose
[T is for time you wake up:] 7:45
[U is for underwear:] Yes....I have underwear...your point?
[V is for vegetables you love:] Tomatoes, garden peas, carrots
[W is for worst habit:] I dunno
[X is for x-rays you've had:] My hand one time and my chest when they thought I had whooping cough one time
[Y is for yummy food you make:] Me? Cook? Ha ha!
[Z is for zodiac sign:] I believe that would be Aquarius

I love my brother

Last night after youth.....I went into Scott's office and called my brother. I had asked him earlier in the day if he would hang out with me later in the night. So I called him and begged him for like 40 minutes to hang out with me. Don't ask me what gave me this huge desperate desire to hang out with my brother....but I really wanted to. So after much persuasion...I went home and Kev and I went out to Tim Horton's for "coffee"...lol. We had a great time. He and I get along really well and we can tell each other stuff that we don't tell everyone else. How thankful that I have Kevin for my brother. I am truly truly grateful and blessed. Like I actually LOVE to hang out with him and spend time with him. I wish that I could know how to be more of a godly role model to him. I wish I could get him to come to youth. Or even to floor hockey. Or to anything. I try not to be pressuring and forceful, but rather just put out a welcoming invitation. But he never accepts. This reminds me of a saying that I know....People won't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Perhaps all that is in my power right now is to show my brother how much I love him and care about him. Perhaps my love will be enough for him to see Christ in me. On top of that all I can really do is pray. Pray that he will see God. Oh how deeply I desire this for my brother. He is one of the most special people to me. So needless to say...I felt privileged to spend time with him last night. Happy times for me. I love my brother......tons and tons!

Tagged

7 Things I would like to do before I die:
1. Go surfing
2. Get married
3. Be a mom
4. Build a house
5. Travel
6. Move away from home
7. Own a king sized bed with the FlUfFiEsT pillows and duvet and featherbed mattress cover ever!

7 things I can’t do (yet) :
1. Play piano....I'm getting there though
2. Snowboard
3. Be friends with mice or bats (not now...not ever)
4. Cook....I will learn the skill eventually
5. Stay away from church....as of now I'm there at least four days a week...sometimes five
6. Speak sign language

7 things that attract me to blogging:
1. I've always enjoyed writing my thoughts over actually speaking them
2. I love keeping up with everyone's lives
3. Seeing pictures that people post
4. It's fun to be part of the blogger community
5. Getting comments left on my blog
6. Being kept up to date on what is all going on around me

7 things I say most often:
1. Shoot
2. Oh brother
3. "Hi, this is Kristan calling from Pharmasave on Pinehouse...just calling to let you know that your package from the Sears catalogue is in...and we're open 'til 10:00 so you can pick it up anytime you get a chance...thanks..bye"
4. What the heck
5. Alright
7. Here I go

7 books I love:
1. The Bible
2. K....I have waaaaaaay to many other books that I loved.....can't possibly decide on a few to write down
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

7 movies I Like:
1. The Notebook
2. Cool Runnings
3. Sister Act 2
4. Diary of a Mad Black Woman
5. Sahara
6. Raise Your Voice
7. Elf

Finding peace

So I feel like a lot has been happening in my life in the last little while. Although it really isn't actually that much. I've been doing a lot of thinking about things, and contemplating my life and who I am, and I've come to a lot of real neat conclusions. I struggle a lot with wishing that people could really know me....really just understand me and all that I am. Because often I feel like I'm almost alone in my little world.....and oh how wonderful it would be if someone could just know me so completely....all of who I am....and just totally understand all of me and why I do what I do and say what I say....and absolutely love me on top of all that. I got to thinking about this, and I was struck with the thought..."Who even am I? Do I even know myself? Am I transparent with those around me....or do I hide....out of fear of being truly known?" These thoughts don't really even make that much sense to me....but somehow they are all there and all very real. In the last little while, I've been trying to figure out for myself who I am. Who I am when no one is around...who I am when I'm not worrying about what others think.....who I am if I don't constantly surround myself with people.....who I am in my Creator's eyes. I'm trying to learn how to become more of who I am rather than more of who I feel the people around me what me to be. I want to learn how to become more of me. Whoever it is that God created me to be...that's who I want to become. And if any people are going to love me.....they're going to love me for me.....just straight up Kristan Louise Perpeluk. I've been spending a lot more time at home spending time with myself. And I've been learning that I don't need to be out with people every single night in order to be aware that I am valued and loved. I'm learning to appreciate myself and everything that I am as a person. I guess I've been learning to quiet my life down....and create some peace within my heart. It's only been a few short weeks...and already my spirit feels much more full of peace and stillness than before. I guess that that's perhaps what I want for this new year....to become more of me and to really discover peace in my soul. God is so good to me....peace only comes through him....and I love what he does in my life when I allow him. I just love him.

How do I step out...and be brave?

No matter how big and tough a problem may be, get rid of confusion by taking one little step toward solution.

Do something.

Then try again.

At the worst so long as you don't do it the same way twice,you will eventually use up all the wrong ways of doing it;and thus, the next try will be the right one.
~George F. Nordenholt~

I got this in an e-mail. It really made me stop and think. This advice is perhaps something I need to consider taking. If I have a problem or a situation that needs solving or resolving...I always tend to wait until I can think of the best possible solution. Then maybe...if I really think it's good enough...I'll give that a try. Taking little steps toward solution is not something I'm familiar with. Just trying anything. Giving something a shot. I'm fearful of things becoming worse or farther away from being solved than they already are, if I try something that wasn't exactly right. But then....where does that leave me? Exactly where I am. Exactly where I've been forever. I'm afraid of risks because I'm afraid of being hurt...or hurting someone else. But then...what fun is it to just sit back and play it safe all the time. It's alright as long as things end up going your way. But how often does that really happen? I think that this is something that I need to learn.....to try things....to take risks. And maybe things will end up crappy. And I'll know for the future that that was a bad approach. Or maybe they'll end up wonderful...in a way they never would have had I continued to sit back and do nothing. Of course this is all just a bunch of talk until I actually apply this to my life. It sounds easy enough. But things like this require bravery...and humility...and absolute trust in God. I want to be there. I want to do all the things my heart longs to do....and say all the things my heart longs to say....but that I'm too afraid to. And believe me...there are many things. But I guess the best way to learn is to give it a try. What have I got to lose?

"In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Psalm 56:11

Merry Christmas!!!

Well here are my favourite pics of my brother and sister and I on Christmas. We definitely had some good times with the camera. It was a really wonderful day all in all. We all got along with each other really well and had a lot of good laughs and smiles. I am very thankful for this day. God is so good to me. I don't know if I could have asked for a better day today. I was also really blessed to be able to go to church this morning. How happy it was to be able to see my friends....my "family"....on Christmas day, and to celebrate the love of my God for me. How good it is to be loved by him. Blessing after blessing he pours out. And I am so thankful today! Merry Christmas to everyone! I love you all from the bottom of my heart! If I was there I would hug you!

Luke 2:7-14

And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

Fun for me!

K, guys...I got this off of Tanya's blog and I love to do these things....so of course I did it. It's here for y'all to see or even copy/paste and do for yourself. Enjoy!

1. Name & webpage: Kristan Perpeluk....this is my webpage...right here...you're on it
2. How do you decide between two equally appealing options? I think about it long and hard and eventually just pick one really quickly and just decide that that's gonna be it before I can change my mind.
3. What's one song to desribe how you're feeling at the moment? You Raise Me Up...Josh Groban
4. When & what was the last healthy thing you ate? Ummm.....I ate a bagel for supper....and fruit for lunch....both fairly healthy
5a. How do you go about getting someone to do a favor for you? I ask them.....how else are you supposed to go about it?
5b. What do you do when they say no? Say please
6. How do you feel about making decisions for other people? Mmmm.....I don't think I'm really a fan of making other people's decisions. Probably they won't like what I decide and then I'll be to blame
7. How is the weather right now? Mmm.....beautiful winter weather right now
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Kristen
9. In what place/situation do you do your best thinking? Probably in the car
10. What area of your life/space is the most organized? I make things the most organized at work.....I like to make things look as perfect as they can.
11. What area of your life/space is the least organized? Hard to say....not really sure
12. Are you easily embarassed? Mmmm....no not really.....but then, sometimes yes
13. What do you do when you are embarrassed? Laugh at myself and make it appear like I don't even care
14. How do you react to someone you find attractive? I usually don't show any outward reaction....my reaction is internal
15. Are you traditional when it comes to dating? Mmm.....I'd say so....I prefer to be pursued rather than do the pursuing....but sometimes....it just doesn't work out that way
16. What do you do to vent anger?I leave the situation and usually go for a walk or something where I can just think for a while and calm down
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a few....one of them was a stuffed rabbit....he ws blue and had a rainbow stomach...his name was Thumper and I loved him
18. Who do you miss from your past? I don't really know.....I haven't really had anyone in my past who I miss a lot or who isn't in my present as well
19. Hugs or kisses? Both can be good under different circumstances
20. What is your favorite game? Well......I have grown quite fond of Catch Phrase....though I haven't gotten to play it in a while
21. How competitive are you? I definitely have a competitive bone in me....I try not to let it take over though
22. When was the last time you cried?Hmmm......oh yes....Friday night
23. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Jenna Regehr....since we were 3!
24. What did you do last night? I went to floor hockey, and then Jenna came over for an hour or so and then I headed over to Scott and Jasmine's and watched Cinderella Man with them and Juliegh and Rhett and Dan
25. What inspires you? Some people, nature, music, other things
26. What are you afraid of? Being disliked, bugs, snakes, bats...all those typical girl things to be afraid of, dying before I get to do all I hope to
27. Number of keys on your key ring? One
28. How many states/provinces have you lived in? Just one....good ol' Saskatchewan
29. When is the most productive time of day for you? Afternoon to evening
30. Would you prefer a crowd of fun acquaintances or just a few good friends? I like both of those options

Giant step of faith

There has been so much going on in my life lately. So many things that I find myself thinking about and worrying about and stressing over. Somehow along the way, my life has become stirred up and unpeaceful. My soul has become restless and uneasy. From conflicts with friends, to brave moves I might find myself making, to big decisions coming up ahead for me, to family problems, to many other things......it's definitely a rough patch in life right now. We're not on calm serene waters anymore. We've hit some whitecaps. Reminds me of the last canoe trip I was on. Nasty rough waters. If I don't continue to exert my effort into thinking about things and trying to deal with things, then I will simply be swept away and overtaken by everything. It's a little bit overwhelming, I'm not going to lie. I haven't had this much on my plate in a long time. I find myself thinking about what I should do in order to make things turn out the best. How I should handle everything. Somehow...in the midst of all the noise and commotion in my heart and mind...God managed to speak to me with his tender loving voice that I love so much. And he tells me, "Kristan, I understand that you care so much about everything that is going on in your life, that you desperately want to find the best way to handle it all. You don't want to hurt anybody, or make any wrong decisions....or hurt yourself. Please let me take the load off your shoulders. I promise you that if you trust me with these things, that I will not let you down. I know just the perfect way to resolve each situation. I will bring peace back to your heart. You just need to give it to me....and trust me." Oh how I struggle with this. Even though God has never given me reason not to trust him. He has always proven faithful. His endings are always better than mine would've been. I came across a verse in the Message....really struck a chord with me...
"But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it -- you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long your worked -- well that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift." Romans 4:5
When there are this many things going on in my life...way too much for me to think about or handle...what else is there to do but trust God with it? How else do you get through? How else is God's will brought about? So I choose to trust God....right now....with everything. I believe that all will end in good....and it will be beautiful!

Aaargh!!

Some people do things that make me sooooo ANGRY!! And what do I do?!?! Just sit there like a freaking bump on a freaking log and let the stupidity carry on. STUPID!! That's all I have to say.

Accutane

Well...something very exciting has happened this week.....well at least it's exciting for me. Most likely not for anyone else. As I'm sure you all know...I have this horrible problem with acne. Have my whole life. Not gonna lie....it sucks...a lot. Looking around at all my friends who have beautiful clear skin without a blemish in sight, undoubtedly makes me more than a tad jealous. But whatever. I learn to deal with it. Afterall...I'm not the only person in the world who suffers from acne, right? Right. So I just suck it up....and press forward with my life. Having a lifelong pity party won't get me anywhere. So up until this point in my life....I've lived with this. I believe it has helped me to develop a lot of self confidence that I might not have otherwise had. Having acne can be an embarassing thing that can wear upon a persons self esteem. I guess I've learned to be confident in who I am in spite of it. I haven't let it affect me as much as it potentially could have. Ok...but now on to the good news......there is this drug called Accutane. It is the most powerful acne treatment drug in existence right now. Works miracles. Will clear you right up and erase any signs that you ever had an acne problem in the first place. And I just got a prescription for accutane this week! This is a joyful occasion in my life. Something to be celebrated. The concept of clear skin is foreign to me.....but it's gonna happen!! I guess I just feel blessed to have this drug made available to me. I'm really lucky. And happy! :)